One Bizarre Mind

Sentence Fragments, I think. December 29, 2009

I’ve been told by a reliable source that the best way to let profound thoughts flow is to speak in sentence fragments. And use a lack of punctuation. While the former seems like a partial possibility at least, the second does not. And here I would launch into a lengthy exposition on the merits of punctuation. To heck with that. (Am I allowed to say that? Oh yeah, it’s my blog) But what about spelling. Well, have you heard of typoglycemia? The magical mental disorder that allows humans to recognize a word no matter the arrangement as long as the first and last letter are the same and the word actually has all the letters it normally would. (Wow, run-on snetncee) See waht I maen? You konw the wrdos I am wntirig…Okay, maybe not. That last one seems to stnad in contradiction to that rule. I don’t know. You tell me. Oh, and that all being said, you have to actually know how to spell the word in the first place before this magical ability applies to that word.

So…sentence fragments, eh? What am I to do with sentence fragments? Here in the Frozen Waste we call Minnesota, sentence fragments may be the only saving grace in the world. “HELP!”, “FREEZING!”, “FOOD!”, “SHELTER!”, “LOVE!” You get my point, yes? I mean seriously. There is no way on earth anyone in my situation would be shouting, “PLEASE HELP ME! IT IS SO VERY, VERY COLD OUTSIDE AND I COULD REALLY, REALLY USE SOME FOOD AND SHELTER! SOMEONE PLEASE LOVE ME!” I mean, that sounds totally desperate right? Especially the last sentence. Am I sounding cynical? Wow, I have ADHD. Maybe that’s why I do so well on long exams. Wait that doesn’t make any sense. Or maybe it does? I don’t know. Heh, I’m not speaking in sentence fragments. Short and quick seems to do the trick. Oh snap I’m rhyming now! Does anyone know a good therapist? AAAAAAAAAAAGH!

…

Okay, I’m better now. And it happened fast, let me tell you. I calmed down in the space of time it took me to hit enter,  type “—”, hit backspace three times, then type “…”. So like, all of three seconds? I’d love to tell you I actually got up and walked away and came back an hour later, but six people can attest to the contrary, so forget it. Gosh, now I’m rambling. I hope I haven’t caught oralemesis (Otherwise known as verbal diarrhea. Heh. Dye-a-rhea. Paint a big bird…moving on…) cuz that would bot be cool.

Well, if you’re still reading this, I am not having a nervous breakdown. I’m just very, very, very, very, very (did you know you can type “very” in more or less a repetitive circle?) tired. And I have a headache. And I’m hungry. Tengo hambre, mis amigos (or amigas, as the case may be). But there’s no food to eat until dinner, so you’re stuck with hungry, achy, tired me. But oh look, my computer battery is dying. Lucky you. Bye!

~Voran